Talking to Women — Under Construction

The times I had kissed my sister’s friends I had not spoken to them. They had been around while my sister was off doing something elsewhere, and they had drifted into my orbit, and so I had kissed them. I do not remember any talking. I did not know what to say to girls, and I told him so. 

– Neil Gaiman. How to Talk to Girls at Parties

 

I feel like I’m 21 years old again. I’ve forgotten how to be single, and attractive to women. There was a time when it didn’t matter. I just was. Even when I wasn’t single. I didn’t have to chat up women, because they chatted me up. But that was when I was older. At 21, I was rubbish with women, as bad at seduction as I had been as a teenager, and that was pretty damn bad.

And then somewhere in my twenties, I figured them out. I knew what they wanted, and what they liked. I figured out what they wanted to hear. And they couldn’t get enough.

And now I’m back there at 21. I’d forgotten how stressful it is to be single and out looking for women. The whole clubbing thing bores me now, and Colombo just isn’t built for meeting girls in bars. I just see the same women, and they’re with the same guys. And those guys are just not me anymore. I still know what they want, and what they like. I’m just not sure I care anymore. And I’m not sure if I’m looking for women really, or really just looking for a woman.

Sometimes I feel absolutely alone, and that aloneness is cool. I had forgotten that too. And I feel I could be alone forever. But sometimes I miss that softness that talking to a woman brings.